Category Archives: Nonsense & Bullshit

I’m not a racist, but…

…all lives matter. Etc.

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Haters Gonna Hate (And Some Other Things That Are Similar)

Every time I hear the phrase “haters gonna hate” I really enjoy it. (And I hear it a lot.) It’s such a great response to horrible things like being mean, cynicism, and jealousy. You know, at first you think it’s … Continue reading

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Pop Culture Also-Rans

We already know what happened. We heard about it, read about it, and watched the movie. So here are a few things that didn’t happen, nearly happened, or might have happened. You know, while no one was looking. (1) Fermat’s … Continue reading

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Guessing the Maximum Storage Capacity of Hat Stands

#1: 86 berets. #2: 25 boaters. #3: 38 fedoras. #4: 193 yarmulkes. #5: 9 sombreros. #6: 74 fezzes. ***** Of course, the tragedy of this post is its lingering uncertainty.

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14 Things Deliberately Misidentified

The impressive turning circle of a new wheelbarrow. space A cheap, ill-fitting suit. space A heroin addict’s teaspoon. space The lame schtick of a jobbing comedian. space A Facebook post apt to cause mild irritation. space The stringy bits of … Continue reading

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I was so much younger then. I’m older than that now.

My left shoulder hurts, and has done for ages. But why? As far as I can tell there’s no particular reason it should… Today I went to a work-related outdoor event. My first thought upon arriving: the music is too … Continue reading

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11 Things You Probably Won’t See On Facebook Today

1 My boyfriend is pretty average, and so am I. We spend our time together doing normal things and don’t go out much. 2 OMG! I’m a preening narcissist. 3 Conversation I just had with my mom. Me: For me … Continue reading

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Ten Ways to Irrevocably Mark Yourself as an Oddball at the Grocery Store

At last! The sensational follow up to my (also) sensational Ten Ways to Irrevocably Mark Yourself as an Oddball at Work post. 1. Buy 135 toothbrushes and nothing else. 2. Listen to all the fruit and vegetables you buy with a stethoscope. 3. Take a … Continue reading

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Anyone for Bathos? Famous Speeches (All Messed Up And That)

Today I thought I’d fudge, smudge, besmirch, and spoil some of mankind’s most famous and profound utterances and thoughts. You know, for a laugh…   – Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? – No. Our father, who art in … Continue reading

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The Untimely Demise of Jimmy Wonder Mutt

Jimmy Wonder Mutt was destined for greatness the moment his first ever bark persuaded a suicidal hobo not to kill himself after all. Bent over with crippling liver pains, and drunk, and down to his last dollar-fifty without the heart … Continue reading

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