My left shoulder hurts, and has done for ages. But why? As far as I can tell there’s no particular reason it should…
Today I went to a work-related outdoor event. My first thought upon arriving: the music is too loud. At the best of times I’d rate my small talk a B-. With music playing too loud I’m more of a D+. Way too much effort.
Most nights I go to bed before 10. And most mornings I wake up sometime between 4 and 5, then struggle to fall back into a fitful, unsatisfying sleep. (Alarm goes off at 6.22, and still, somehow, I spend my mornings in a rush – to catch the train that shows up at 7.45.)
More often than ever before, my eyes feel heavy – like some unseen hand is jabbing into them its thumbs. As much as I just want to shut my eyes, there is always another work email to read… Another work-related matter that necessitates looking at a screen.
Never before in my life have I so reliably taken so much pleasure from the simple act of sitting down. It’s a relief – except for having to keep my eyes open too. (I fantasize often about sitting by a pool – my feet dipped in cool water – with nothing else required of me.)
On the subway and on busy New York City streets, I see pretty young girls on their way to things I don’t get invited to anymore (and which, in any case, no doubt require a higher grade of small talk). I think: once upon a time they might have shot a quick glance back at me. But now… Even on passably handsome days, I’m still cursed to wear a truly awful haircut. (Haircuts fall down a parent’s to-do list with indecent haste.) And I also think: writing “girls” probably makes me sound like a letch.
Two questions, then. When did I become such an old cunt? And now that I am one, how do I get a little younger? You know, like I used to be.