11 Things You Probably Won’t See On Facebook Today

1

My boyfriend is pretty average, and so am I. We spend our time together doing normal things and don’t go out much.

2

OMG! I’m a preening narcissist.

Narcissus

3

Conversation I just had with my mom.

Me: For me to share on Facebook later, can you say something that makes you seem, like, really cool and eccentric?

Mom: Nah.

Me: What about something that suggests our family ties are powerful, deep, and noble?

Mom: Nah.

4

Just got back from a tiny village in the middle of Azerbaijan. Was well shit!

Random Village

5

I’m only secretly fascinating, witty, and wonderful. Don’t tell anyone.

6

Blah, blah, who gives a crap?

7

!@$%^&*+=<>{} #OtherSymbols

8

I literally couldn’t be any more addicted to heroin right now.

9

Yesterday I pretended to hate Gravity because I want you to think I’m intriguing and discerning.

Film Bore

10

Just me standing next to Beyonce. (BECAUSE I GO PLACES WHERE THAT SORT OF THING HAPPENS. UNLIKE YOU, YOU BORING CUNT.)

11

Check out my new blog post. It’s a list of things – a really fresh and exciting way of trying to be funny.

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About newjonnytransit

Same as ever, only better.
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7 Responses to 11 Things You Probably Won’t See On Facebook Today

  1. charlotte-mary davinson says:

    HAHA how did you know i do heroin? lol love it.

  2. Mary says:

    Very soon we shall be eagerly awaiting the annual Christmas round-robin letters ( not) and below are some of the things that we will not be reading:

    Peter’s GCSE’s results were not very good. He only got E and F grades, not enough for him to go to six form college, but he tried his best, bless him. Lucy was doing so well working at the Co op, but sadly she got a bit distracted by the young man behind the delicatessen, and the baby is due just after Christmas. Doug is busy decorating the front room so they can move in. I don’t mind, really, it will be good to come back from work and cook dinner for the seven of us. Oh, by the way, I’m sure you’ll remember my last Christmas letter to you, when I mentioned the house we were having built by the sea. Well, sadly there was a landslide, and most of it fell into the sea. I guess these things happen and we really don’t mind staying where we are, especially now we have the baby coming. We lost an awful lot of money, but so long as Doug and I can carry on working until 2025 we can pay off the builder and everything will be fine. The insurance didn’t cover it.

    Our wonderful neighbours won 48 million on the Euro lotto, but it wont change them one little bit. They have already invited us out for a slap up meal. Can’t quite remember the name of the restaurant, but its something like Dolly’s or Molly’s. We are so excited and looking forward to it.

    By the way they are also going to give us their car. Its a 1963 Triumph Herald, and once Doug has cleaned and polished it and looked under the bonnet, it’ll do us nicely. We only get one bus a day here, and the mile walk to the shops with heavy bags is beginning to put a strain on us, and you know how heavy baby formula milk can be, not to mention the nappies and all the other paraphernalia we’ll now need to get.

    I’ve just noticed that the dog has messed on our sheepskin rug, and if I don’t see to it right now, I’ll never get it off, so its now time to say goodbye for another year.

    All the best and a Happy Christmas to you and yours wherever they may be.

  3. Big SIs says:

    Mum you are so funny…….no wonder you were cross when you didn’t see your comment x

  4. Robert e.main says:

    13. Just ran round mellows park in the buff and it was awesome

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