Hurricane Sandy: Killing Me Softly With Her Slow-Breaking News

On the one hand, the media isn’t doing its job properly if we’re not all authentically scared right now. On the other, a good amount of people – not ‘in the media’ but seemingly experts in the world of weather – are saying, ‘Don’t mess with this one, Hurricane Sandy ain’t fucking around.’ (Well, words to that effect anyhow.)

So, off work for the day and at home in New Jersey: what to make of all this (at present) slightly-above-average windyness and rain? And, perhaps a touch more selfishly, will I have to empty my fridge and freezer of perishable food-stuffs soon if CNN’s dire prediction of “millions without power for days” bats its unwelcome eyes at us? I don’t mention this lightly: I went to Patel Brothers a couple weeks ago and treated myself to a good amount of frozen Indian meals… and not more than two hours ago I popped into the fridge a rather lovely homemade quiche.

In any event, this latest missive is surely a race against time. Even in fair weather, frankly, Jersey Central Power & Light don’t exactly inspire confidence. Overhead power lines around here don’t so much stand upright and strong, but lean complacently like the teenage offspring of millionaire reality TV ‘stars.’ (Plus my internet gets to me ‘courtesy’ of Verizon and some of those cables are probably looped together with sticky tape and paperclips, if past experience is anything to go by. [Note: It is.]).

In fact, breaking news (I know, hold on to your hats everyone): our lights just flickered. What does that portend?! Maybe, Wolf Blitzer is telling it to us straight, after all – and, likewise, the many rain-lashed reporters he keeps on cutting to, strewn around the coastline… Hold on a second, here’s New Jersey’s Governor Christie giving us an update. He’s wearing a fleece with his name written on the front. Classy. And… he’s apparently using this opportunity to criticize the Major of Atlantic City for not being preemptive enough earlier in the day. And addressing the people there “if you can still hear me.” (Get it together, sir: if you don’t mind my saying so that really is a pretty redundant thing to include in a live TV message.)

What else? “Road closures… turnpike closed…” And… back to Wolf, and some pictures of that partially collapsed crane in New York. There’s concern, we’re told, that it might not be done collapsing yet. (Find out more after this quick commercial break.)

Perhaps now is a good time to look out the window again: still windy; still rainy. But not too much of either. Anyhow, never mind all that. The adverts are over and here’s Major Bloomberg – obviously more important than Christie, who didn’t even nearly stall the commercial imperatives of CNN. [Update from Bloomberg – nothing too jazzy. Only, curiously, another elected official opting to speak in a tone somewhere between hectoring and weary: don’t call 911 for fallen trees; it’s not what it’s for…]

“Ok,” says Wolf, “we’re going to continue to monitor the Major. Stand by: much more of our coverage right after this…” Cut to commercials, a portion of which champion Liberator Medical’s “discrete men’s pocket catheter.”

…And, ah, cut back to me. I’d love to continue monitoring the Major, I really would. But if I don’t start re-heating yesterday’s Chinese take-out soon, I fear I might miss the chance to altogether. Plus – and at last I’ll share with you something more than flim-flam and waffle – truth be told, watching my sleeping six-week old daughter for a bit is more diverting than the news. Even if Sandy really is COMING TO GET US WHERE WE SLEEP.

Stay dry, my friends, and don’t for one second think that catheters can’t be discrete.

About newjonnytransit

Same as ever, only better.
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