The Terrible Pain of Rejection

Bad news. I found out today that I won’t be getting any federal support to improve the quality and consistency of http://www.newjonnytransit.wordpress.com. I only submitted a federal grant application about ten days ago, but already it’s been rejected. By the US Dept. of Culture and Media’s Building a Better Web’s Varied Voices/Peculiar Perspectives sub committee advisory group. Well, what do they know?

I asked for $1.8million over a grant period of three years, “to widen the overall appeal of http://www.newjonnytransit.wordpress.com, reaffirm and bolster its commitment to innovation, and to more effectively disseminate a broader range of posts.” Now today I read my proposal has been rejected – on the grounds of it being “spurious, insubstantial, and wholly without merit.”

So I won’t be able to sustain the addition of a staff writer, after all, “to execute all the brilliant ideas I currently lack the mental, fiscal, and temporal resources to complete.” (I hoped to offer a stipend of $8,000 per annum, to cover up to 30 hours of work per week.)

And nor, unfortunately, can I strengthen the sports coverage of this blog in the way that I planned to. (I asked for season tickets and travel expenses relating to regular attendance of key sporting fixtures, including but not limited to every Arsenal F.C. and Boston Red Sox home game, all England international cricket fixtures, the PDC World Darts Championship, and the Kentucky Derby.)

…Or pay for the full-time services of: “a photographer… a videographer… a graphic designer… an illustrator… a sub editor… an ideas consultant… a chef… [and] a hand, back, feet and face masseuse.”

…Or – most disappointingly of all – “semi-annual Rejuvenation Retreats to various and varied luxury tourist destinations to be specified pending grant approval.” What a drag! They really were going to be absolutely integral to the long-term upgrading of this blog.

Now what? I’m at loss and severely under-resourced.

My first ‘grant money’ post was going to be What Happens When You Move Every Garden Shed in Switzerland One Garden Over? Now I plain don’t have the necessary funds.

And I mustn’t lie, dear reader, my proposed “Comment Incentivization Payment Plan” is pretty much doomed in lieu of other monies coming in… I don’t know, let’s just hope my New Jersey Board of Adult Education Technological Matters’ Matter grant application is more successful. ($38million “to re-conceptualize the very concept of blogging.”)

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About newjonnytransit

Same as ever, only better.
This entry was posted in Nonsense & Bullshit and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Terrible Pain of Rejection

  1. happypickle says:

    Very good post bro, genuinely original.If true, the grant app – then you prob made them chuckle in their offices. Unless they are boring, fiscal form minded people. Oh wait…

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