No reason, just because…
1. Use an etch-a-sketch to make notes with during meetings – and shake it clear whenever the meeting ends.
2. Whenever a co-worker says something to the effect that it’s raining out, reply “Yes, ’tis a naughty night to swim in.”
3. Cheerily engage in conversations about pop culture, but always be at least a month out of date, and, wherever possible, weirdly specific.
Did anyone see American Idol seven weeks ago?
No, I haven’t ever watched Men of a Certain Age. But I have often enjoyed the
comical interplay between Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell in the popular
science-fiction series Quantum Leap.
Who’s your favorite Spice Girl – both before and after their fifth single Spice Up Your Life?
4. Insist on taking off from work all Jewish High Holidays – while not being in any other discernible way an observing Jew.
5. If a colleague stops by and says they’re running out to the local store and do you want anything, say “Can I please have a whole piece of fruit that’s bigger than an averagely sized satsuma but smaller than a small grapefruit, and which isn’t an apple, an orange, or a pear. You know, whatever feels ripe, looks good, and isn’t too expensive.”
6. Replace your desk chair with a yoga ball.
7. Hum frequently – but only ever something sombre.
8. (If applicable.) Ask the same co-worker for the door code to the bathroom every time you use the bathroom – and always ask when they give it to you, “is that for a pee or for a poo?”
9. Use “mousepad,” “box of tissues,” and “toaster oven” interchangeably.
10. Wear straw glasses – and keep on doing so even when you don’t have a drink.