Fancy a Smoke?

Fancy a smoke? A fag? A ciggie? A cheeky one? A quick puff? A drag? A draw… A hearty lungful, even, to breathe slowly back out again in something resembling a sigh? Or with a smirk, insouciant and swaggering. Or else with just a simple, easy-going smile – one content to know that the world’s many woes can all hold off a little while longer, and wait.

Sure you do. Ah, but what type of tobacco to get and to tap the tight-fitting, wrap-around carton of? What to spark up, hold, dangle, burn, flick away, and stub? So many choices and each custom-rolled to fit the weary moods and reveries, the fashionable entreaties, and the purse-string limitations of every passing day. One for every plane, train, and bus you could ever find yourself sat around and waiting for. Every gathering and meeting you could ever want to incrementally delay or delight in a few moments more. And every bit of rum news and every bit of goods you’ll ever seek to wallow in or welcome. To name but a scanty few, indeed, there’s —

Ready to scrub your insides like a Brillo pad doing battle with last night’s dishes.


For the dandy in you, desirous of a softer something to tease effete fingers around while considering the finer points of interior decorating.


If you’re not afraid to clout some other wide-boy ’bout the ear-holes, and don’t mind one bit the thought of being thought of a good-for-nothing lout.


If you want to cross some miles of sand with a faraway look in your eyes below the grainy lines of a weather-beaten brow.


If you’re a vagabond and wastrel.

Or, at the other end of things entirely,

To savour each and every luxurious moment of, as the master of all that you survey.


If the Marlboro Reds weren’t quite killing you quickly enough.

Or, last but never least,

If you, like me, know how best to combine frugality and impeccable good taste.


…Of course, though, it will be ten years soon enough since I last had the pleasure… Too long ago, you might say?

(Still I remember how nicely they went down with these…)

About newjonnytransit

Same as ever, only better.
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8 Responses to Fancy a Smoke?

  1. Sam got me hooked says:

    Oh God Sovereigns! I had forgotten them entirely. I love the opening to this post, it sounds like the beginning of an especially preachy Year 9 drugs lecture.


    • And right after posting, I also remembered Lambert and Butler – an even cheaper alternative… Pretty sure R. Main used to favour them. Anyhow, thanks for the comment – always a pleasure.

  2. happypickle says:

    That guinness looks fucking delicious. I want to pour that fine black stuff down my throat, and order another, and another….
    Kind of odd post to be fair bro. And yes, I know some of mine have been strange, but smoking?? The pleasure from an occasional marboro light cannot be underestimated, but in general, cigarettes are pretty pointless inventions. There is an interesting, recent FOI request from Philip Morris (Marlboro people) to a university requesting their data on youngsters and their smoking habits. These guys want to improve their targeting of teenagers I guess. Evil bastards.
    btw, happypickles has a new one out there…..

    • “Pretty odd post…” What can I say, come back to me after you’ve just posted your 79th blog (at least one per week as well, mind you…)! It’s hard to think of stuff to write about sometimes – at least after figuring that people don’t just want to read about Arsenal and the Red Sox every time… (And yes, of course, I did visit Pickle Towers yesterday – will have to think of a more considered response to your defamation of Arsene Wenger once I’m away from my desk at work. Like the look of new Arsenal signings, though…)

  3. Dicky made me touch it says:

    If the absence of the Superkings Menthol can most kindly be attributed to forgetfulness, that same kindness cannot be extended to the author’s wilful rejection of Marlboro Lights. So beloved of Greg Stanton, and yet so cruelly overlooked in this carcinogenic catalogue. And yes, Dunhill International did have an unforgettable aroma of luxury, if luxury smells like a post-Wetherspoons Zoots one Thursday evening in late 1999.

    To be savoured indeed.

    • It really is true, isn’t it – we did go to Zoots of an evening from time to time… Funny thing is, though, I can scarcely remember a single thing about it. So crap of a place, it’s even immune to my nostalgic reveries! In any case, many thanks for the series of points well made. Very much appreciated.

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