London Calling… Royal Wedding News

BREAKING NEWS… A prominent member of the British royal family is to be married later this week in London, the capital city of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

The nuptials, scheduled for April 29, 2011, will bring together William Arthur Philip Louis, of “The House of Windsor,” and his fiancee Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, a “commoner.” The wedding ceremony, according to recent royal protocol, will take place at Westminster Abbey and be conducted by the “Archbishop of Canterbury,” Rowan Williams.

Second in the line of succession to the thrones of sixteen independent states (“the Commonwealth Realms”), William is the elder son of Charles, the “Prince of Wales,” and the third eldest grandchild of “Her Royal Highness, Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II.” William’s mother is the late Diana, the “Princess of Wales,” nee Spencer, who died in a road traffic accident in Paris, France, in 1997.

Invited guests confirmed to attend the wedding include David Beckham, former captain of the England football team, and his wife Victoria Beckham (nee Adams), former member of the popular music group “The Spice Girls,” homosexual musician Sir Elton John, businessman and amateur balloonist Sir Richard Branson, and Rolf Harris, professional Australian.

Invited dignitaries, foreign royals, and religious figures include “His Majesty The King of Swaziland Mswati III,” Katherine, “The Crown Princess of Yugoslavia,” “The Right Honorables, The Lord Mayor and Lady Mayoress of the City of London,” and “Chief Rabbi, The Right Honorable, The Lord Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth.”

Video footage of the wedding is set to be broadcast live via satellite to news outlets and other media organizations throughout the world, commencing 8.15 a.m., “Greenwich Mean Time.”

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2 Responses to London Calling… Royal Wedding News

  1. Robert Endeavour Main says:

    Michael Charles Scott was invited but sadly declined citing Surrey Vs Middlesex at Lords as the main reason for his absence – but he’ll keep abreast of things via the live screen broadcasting events.

    I for one am looking forward to this and have the choice so far of 5 TV broadcasters of which 3 are in High Definition, although Sky sports news will still be firmly on the “favourites button”.

    Not convinced the crown princess of Yugoslavia has been invited on the grounds that Yugoslavia simply does not exist anymore. You have more chance of Princess Mia Thermopolis* turning up (also the last time they had royalty come to visit in Sarajevo they didn’t exactly enjoy the trip either… Archduke Ferdinand; also good excuse to check your travel insurance for those invalidating disclaimers).

    No royals from Spain, Denmark, Holland, Belgium or Norway either (I have been informed by Sonja our resident expert on European royal affairs – in more ways than one the word affairs is appropriate).

    Anyway looking forward to a bit of pomp and purpose and feeling rather proud to be British even if it’s only for a few hours. My company have given me a day off to enjoy and considering they are South African, rather jolly nice of them too.

    No John Terry either, probably just as right on the safe side to make sure no shouts out during the ceremony of any more wives he has banged.

    I leave with a completely unrelated (and possibly irrelevant) point to make. Do you think Harry has had a word with him yet and told him to consider a no2 all round now as keeping it short is fashionable.

    *(and before anyone asks why I know that film I was in Portgual, I was ill and this was the only DVD in English in the holiday film. I also watched Terminator 3 twice that week and it is a very misunderstood film)

    • Well, well, Robert – welcome back, sir. A few observations… 1. Lords clearly is the better option, no question. 2. Sky sports news – believe it not, is often available for me to watch (via the Fox Soccer Channel). I’ll have it on every now and then in the hope of catching a glimpse of county cricket action. 3. Agree with you about Yugoslavia (well, how could I not?!) – but I got guest names straight from Wikipedia… and obviously Wikipedia is never wrong about anything. 4. Sonja an expert on royal affairs? I never knew that! I wonder how often that comes in handy… 5. T3 misunderstood? I liked it, that’s all I remember. Just not quite as much as Belleville Rendezvous.

      Anyhow, like I said, welcome back. I always enjoy your comments, even if they are sometimes bafflingly random and strange!

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