Walk On The Mild Side

It’s a matter of conjecture, I suppose, if the world was any poorer for doing without a less salacious and less rhyming Yorkshire version of Lou Reed’s Walk On The Wild Side. But I prepared one anyway.*

(Next week, a Manchester-themed Satellite of Love? That would have to be called Satellite of Shite, wouldn’t it.)


Maggie come from Yorkshire
Hoped a bus across the dales
Darned some old socks on t’way
Fixed ’em up and then they were fine
She says, Ey driver
Drop me off at next stop
Ta’ra pet
Drop me off at next stop.

Peggy come from out of Lancashire
In the kitchen she were everybody’s ma
But she never got in a stew
Even when she were making hotpot
She says, Our kid
Be a dear and put kettle on
I said, No tah
You put kettle on
And all the Yorkshire lasses go,
Blooming ‘eck, it ain’t half cold out.

Little Ted never once gave it away
Every bugger had to pay and pay
A rip off here and a rip off there
York City’s where folk do say,
‘E by gum, Bout any road’ll do
I said, You what lad?
Bout any road’ll do.

Jammy Tart came up down t’way
Looking for a bevvy and summat to eat
Went to Sheffield
You ought to have seen her go go go
Folk were saying, What you want to go there for, you’re barmy
They said, You bloody wazzock you
What you want to go there for
Oh really, aye.

Johnny were just blocking away
Thought he were Boycott for the day
Then, though, he were plum leg before
Proper mardy footwork were that
Says, Chuffin’ ell
That’ll do right for me lads
I say, Silly sod
That’ll do right for me lads
And all them Yorkshire lovelies coo,
Doo do doo do doo do do doo.

* Please note that nothing useful was achieved in the writing of this blog.


About newjonnytransit

Same as ever, only better.
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2 Responses to Walk On The Mild Side

  1. Mike says:

    nice use of wazzock and chuffin’ there.
    but, i just receieved a phone call. my life wants its last 2 minutes back.

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