[ SPORTING MATTERS... ]
The 2011-12 Premier League Table: Recklessly Predicted!
…you will tell me exactly where I’ve woefully miscalculated, won’t you? (Continue…)
Manchester Impossible
It is, apparently, a matter of official public record that the 2010-11 Premier League was won by Manchester United. (Continue…)
Why Arsenal Are Definitely Going to Win the Premier League This Year
(& Why on Earth is London Burning?)
…my handy five-minute take on my all-time favourite football team – with appropriate groveling apologies to my South London roots. (Continue…)
A New EPL & Why Soccer Is So Much Better Than Football
The deathless, wondrous pursuit of scoring slightly more – less the autistic urge to stop first and count a boring lot of ‘yards.’ (Continue…)
Ian Bell & The Tea-time Reprieve
The cricket. At the weekend. Bell-gate. The dismissal that never was. The doubtful out. The tea-time reprieve. (Continue…)
A Hundred Open Lady Late-nights
I know, whenever my special blogging pen (sometimes keyboard) finds itself with no particular place to go, it also meanders back to sport, doesn’t it? (Continue…)
Good Sport/Bad Sport (& the eternal search for 27 outs)
…to what metaphysical extent, I wonder, is John Lackey ‘earning’ his $82.5 million contract?! (Continue…)
What’s Wrong With Arsenal This Year… & What’s Even More Wrong With Football
I realize this might all sound a tad presumptuous, but after studying all sorts of recent evidence I’ve figured out exactly what’s wrong with Arsenal, F.C. (Continue…)
…And Finally: Some Reckless Predictions
I’ll repost this blog at the end of October when the baseball season’s done. Then I can subject my remarkable prescience/ignorance to the cold light of facts. (Continue…)
Team Evil: The New York Yankees
Where’s a four-minute guide to the 2011 New York Yankees when you need one? (Continue…)
Team Lovely: The Boston Red Sox
Where’s a five-minute guide to the 2011 Boston Red Sox when you need one? (Continue…)
WG, The Babe, and a Whole Lot of Balls
I had a dream last night that one day all baseball fans and all cricket fans will put aside their differences and say nice things about each other’s sport. (Continue…)
Five Reasons Why Arsenal Probably Won’t Win the Premier League This Year…
In the midst of an international break, what better time for a football fan to stop awhile and take an unhappy look at the season already gone? (Continue…)
Torres the Tank Engine
What do the two biggest 2010/11 offseason baseball trades and the two biggest European football 2011 winter transfers all have in common? (Continue…)
517/1
What was yesterday inevitable is today up for grabs. What was the unyielding fact of Australian supremacy is now heresy and whispers. (Continue…)
I’m happy, hope you’re happy to
With one-week-only apologies to non cricket-lovers and in honour of Ian Bell’s batting average versus Australia (rounded up, of course), 26 Ashes predictions. (Continue…)
That Red Devil Scouser
There comes a point when you have to stop and ask, ‘how many prostitutes does a married footballer have to sleep with before he starts to sound like an arse?’ (Continue…)
(#1) Rocket Man
Ladies and gentlemen, the all-time best on baize, the fastest on felt, the Essex Exocet, the cue king… Ronnie, “The Rocket,” O’Sullivan! (Continue…)
(#2) Northern Rock
A magnificent, stubborn old bastard who held an often weak team together through sheer cussed will. (Continue…)
(#3) The Youk
It has to be the Youk. For treating each and every at-bat like the most precious commodity on earth. (Continue…)
(#4) Leaping Into Sand
Jonathan Edwards I always liked because he made a living out of leaping into sand. It’s comforting to know that such a thing is possible. (Continue…)
(#5) Celtic Green
I think it’s those big doey eyes, that toothy grin, and wispy facial hair ever-present but never quite an actual beard. (Continue…)
One-Nil, I Believe
I know football fans are supposed to fawn over Messi, Xavi, Iniesta, et al, like Dr. Goebbels over Hitler… but I can’t. (Continue…)
Extra Time?
It seems I really can’t dodge the fate any longer: setting aside a month for the watching of football is a luxury I can no longer afford. (Continue…)
The German Red Sox
We rally against injustice, ill-fortune, the heat, the pressure, the long season and lack of winter break… the Germans hold tight and win. (Continue…)
[ MUSIC MATTERS... ]
Amy Winehouse: 1983 – 2011
In her little life, Amy Winehouse gave us a huge voice and two great albums she used it to record… the rest is sadness and noise. (Continue…)
(Show A Little Faith, There’s Magic In The Night) 10 Best Bruce Springsteen Songs
He’s the undisputed leader of the legendary E-Street Band, undefeated champion of the stage, and everybody’s boss. (Continue…)
(In the Jingle Jangle Morning) 10 Best Bob Dylan Songs
Seemingly, there’s no kind of mood that you can’t find a Dylan song to fit – no matter whether you want it amplified or altered, roughed up or cosseted. (Continue…)
(A Splendid Time Is Guaranteed For All) 10 Best Beatles Songs
Well, I don’t know about you but I definitely couldn’t be any more sold on The Beatles.
(Continue…)
(Ground Control to Major Tom) 10 Best David Bowie Songs
If you were inventing a male pop star from scratch, you’d basically end up with Bowie, wouldn’t you? (Continue…)
Radio Somewhere
Next up, and don’t you forget it, What, Boy, Did I Come in the Room For? from me to you via the hopping steady beat of Brokeback Mango. (Continue…)
My Sweet Lord
More and more these days, I love listening to gospel, and yet… godless, English, and white, it’s a little tricky not to do so self-conciously. (Continue…)
Walk on the Mild Side
But she never got in a stew/Even when she were making hotpot (Continue…)
Around the Bay of Biscay and back for tea
Now – given it’s much more fun to hear than to read about – how about we all log-off and go listen like it’s 1994? (Continue…)
Mister CD
But never mind my continuing glorification of Cocker, the rest of Pulp aren’t too shabby, either. The lyrics are great, the songs are even better. (Continue…)
101 Records
Mid-90s Oasis: a copycat bunch of gob-shite thugs, or a gang of good-time Charlies saving popular music from the boringness of grunge? (Continue…)
Beanos
The Alex James nonchalant cigarette technique or the Thom Yorke schizophrenic dance? (Continue…)
H & R Cloake
Have two minutes and thirty-eight seconds ever felt more like nine and three-quarter hours? (Continue…)
Be Bop Records
Don’t worry if you don’t know a Brett Anderson fringe from a Gaz Coombes sideburn, it’s all guitars and harmonies, cigarettes and sex, baselines and hooks, right? (Continue…)
[ TV & MOVIE MATTERS... ]
The Founding Fathers*
*as depicted by the TV show John Adams (Continue…)
The Best/Greatest/Most Perfect Modern Sitcom Ever Made. Ever
…how about I wrap this thing up two different ways, such that YOU can pick the final outcome that feels right for you. (Continue…)
2 Greatest Modern Sitcoms (Cafe Nervosa)
…sure, if you’re selling Larry David as the funniest person in the world right now,
I’m buying. (Continue…)
4 Greatest Modern Sitcoms (Central Perk)
…what’s funnier between, say, Partridge bringing his own extra-large plate to an all-you-can-eat buffet, or David Duchovny pretending to be gay? (Continue…)
8 Greatest Modern Sitcoms (Monk’s Cafe)
Is it just me or is Tiny Fey not, in fact, the funniest woman in America (therefore: the world). (Continue…)
16 Greatest Modern Sitcoms (Hank’s Look Around Cafe)
Aerial night shots of Greenwich?! Far too Ally McBeal, surely. (Continue…)
32 Greatest Modern Sitcoms (Chasers)
It should all be a whole lot of fun, and hopefully you’ll have a good time following along as well – without getting too mad at me for my idiot opinions. (Continue…)
[ OTHER MATTERS... ]
Boston, Cambridge, Movies & Shopping (Your Inessential Guide)
…why oh why is Boston a city that me and Jackie ever left? (Continue…)
Fancy a Smoke?
Ready to scrub your insides like a Brillo pad doing battle with last night’s dishes. (Continue…)
A Virginia Earthquake & Me
Thinking back, I did feel something: the sensation of briefly sitting in a slightly wobbly chair. (Continue…)
Popping the Kettle On
“How are you, my love? It’s been a heck of a while, hasn’t it… seems like ages since we last had a natter…” (Continue…)
(Coney Island) Funnel Cake, Bumper Cars, and a Handful of Freaks
We considered the ethical implications of visiting such a place as we lined up for tickets – but that didn’t last long, on account of us being the only ones in line. (Continue…)
The Something Something of Glass
If glass is so jolly special, how come there’s so much of it in shopping malls? (Continue…)
Welcome Back Danny Baker!
Because the best kind of radio chitchat eats time - by always offering a better way of passing it. (Continue…)
London Calling… Royal Wedding News
BREAKING NEWS… A prominent member of the British royal family is to be married later this week in London… (Continue…)
50*
Your brief indulgence, if I may… (Continue…)
Dear Walmart… (The Final Revelation)
So there you have it, folks, if Kraft ever succeed in churning out some ‘solid’ cheese, they would consider the accomplishment a “new food idea.” (Continue…)
Dear Walmart… (Answers Back)*
* Please note: the newjonnytransit blog can accept no responsibility for any time willfully wasted in the reading of this blog. (Continue…)
Dear Walmart…
Does big corporate America have a sense of humor? Does it even know I’m joking? And will they be kind enough to help? (Continue…)
Spring Cleaning
…if you enjoy newjonnytransit, it truly would be endlessly lovely of you to bookmark this site and, even better, to recommend it. (Continue…)
Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before
…canal boats in Camden, Brighton Pier, the Wetherspoons pub chain, feeding ducks with leftover bread, Peter Cook, and trying to get a ton-eighty in darts. (Continue…)
Some Grubby Northern Town
Our labour is our value, the factory owner says, and that’s the way it is/
It’s just the price of doing business that what we make is his. (Continue…)
A Bit of a Book Review*
What I really want to write about is my new plan – formed in the hot crucible of a Mexican vacation – to become a different person. (Continue…)
WikiWaffle
The usual story: some leaks were more eventful than others, and some plain weren’t worth the leaking. (Continue…)
The Cappuccino Kid
A retro throwback to a time when it was still ok for an employer to slowly kill its staff. (Continue…)
Annual General Meeting
On my work calendar Wednesday, yet more sobering proof that between us and the cold grip of death is nothing but endless, hopeless, Godless chance: A.G.M. (Continue…)
Grrr, etc.
Perhaps you might consider killing yourself – the rest of us won’t mind noting the corporeal loss, and will gladly register the consequent benefit. (Continue…)
Imaginary Numbers
Like being buffeted by a rough sea, only without the inconvenience of seasickness. (Continue…)
If only I had a little humility, a game played by lawyers*
The reports of my death are classy and fabulous. (Continue…)
Crikey, Magnifique
…a missile with wings, roomy enough inside for Fuzzy Zoeller to fine-tune his putting stroke. (Continue…)
Lots of Nice Looking People Having Sex
Please excuse the title of this blog, I’ve clearly over-promised. (Continue…)
Since I Started Work in New York City
I haven’t dipped my fingers in the Central Park Boating Lake. Or my toes in the Hudson. Or my nose closer to a penicillin soup. (Continue…)
Extraordinary Wisdom
Maybe I can nudge in front of you a little intimate exchange that, if only fleetingly, is more agreeable than whatever your boss has you working on. (Continue…)
The Mystifying World of International Finance
Many, many months of financial negligence on my part – and it’s hardly cost me a dime. How’s that for arse over tit? (Continue…)
Ladies and Sausages
At the risk of serving anyone rotund with too large a portion of displeasure, I’m happy to report a recent spurt of weight loss. (Continue…)
Public Enemies
I thought it would be fun to write about some of my old school friends as though they were characters in a 1930s Warner Brothers gangster film. (Continue…)
Elizabeth, My Dear
Year after year, the Queen somehow manages to be full-time ridiculous, by accident of birth, without ever adding any ridiculousness of her own. (Continue…)
New Jonny Transit
You probably need a new blog to read like you do a stumbling bout of gout – hopefully, though, my attempts to entertain will occasionally succeed. (Continue…)
[ IMPORTANT CONSUMER ADVICE... ]
Verizon Customer Service
You could ask them for the time and they’d give you a teapot. After first pissing in it, drinking the piss, and then haranguing you for a breath-mint. (Continue…)
[ & A PICTURE QUIZ THAT PROVED TO BE STRIKINGLY UNPOPULAR. ]
Romanian National Flag
Ideal, I’d suggest, for family gatherings, warming up for pub quizzes, and countering the onset of ennui. (Continue…)
Romania
(Or as I’m calling it, the idea that seemed like a good one at the time before overwhelming me with the surprisingly fiddly task of resizing photos.) (Continue…)
